Movie Two-Liners Entry #27

August 12th, 2009 by Wordsman

This week’s puzzle:

Two disfigured men try to make the world understand the full meaning of their injuries. A lawless man knocks both of them out of buildings.

Last week’s puzzle:

A man travels to an unfamiliar place to help out two thieves, experiencing considerable difficulty due to transportation and terrain. He solves some of his problems with lies and contempt, but he cannot get the job done without a couple of skid marks.

And the answer is . . . ▼

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This Day in History Entry #26

August 11th, 2009 by Wordsman

His illustr’ous title to maintain
Francis the Second switched his domain
The HRE was done
Split by Napoleon
As Austrian Emperor Frank’d reign

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Is a Picture Worth a Thousand Words? Entry #27

August 10th, 2009 by Wordsman

PWTW 27

Matthew stopped.  He closed his eyes.  Inside his head, the Forum came alive.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked.  “Are you tired again or something?”

“No,” Matthew replied.  He could barely hear his friend over the mixed sounds of conversations and lively debate, bartering and negotiating, threats and outright attacks.  He was not able to recreate it perfectly, having forgotten some of his Latin from college, but the sheer size of the crowd in his mind meant that a few scattered words here and there were enough.  “I’m simply taking it all in.”

“Well, do you think you could find somewhere else to do it?” Jack pressed.  “People are going to bump into you.”

“Isn’t that the whole point of the Forum?” Matthew said, chuckling slightly.

“You’re starting to weird me out a little, man,” Jack said, his voice unusually anxious.  “Normally you would be telling me all about who built this building, and when, and why, and then who tore it down to get the materials to build this one over here, and so on.”

Matthew paused in the middle of his conversation with an Egyptian merchant who was telling him the latest news from Alexandria and opened his eyes.  “And what about you?” he asked curiously.  “Shouldn’t you be spouting some wild nonsense about impossible conspiracies or the ghosts of the past?”

Jack shook his head.  “I don’t know this place,” he replied.  “I liked the Colosseum better.”

Matthew grimaced.  To be in Rome and not know the Forum . . . “The Forum is just as interesting as the Colosseum,” he countered.  To those who really appreciated history, of course, it was much more so, but he didn’t want to push the issue too much with his friend.  “It just takes a little more imagination.”

“Ah, my imagination’s not that good,” Jack said.

Matthew raised an eyebrow.  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said.  “After all that garbage about restless spirits that you made up in the Colosseum, you’re trying to tell me that you don’t have a good imagination?”

Jack shrugged.  “That wasn’t imagination.”

Sadly, Matthew knew that his friend was telling the truth.  Jack didn’t make all these things up.  He got them from movies like Spartacus and Gladiator.  He got them from TV shows.  He got them from trashy novels.  He absorbed it all, like a sponge, and then, again like a sponge, he regurgitated it in such an unfamiliar way that the original source was often unrecognizable.

Matthew sighed.  His return to the mental Forum would have to wait.  Some things were too important to be left unexplained.

“The reason I’m not telling you about the buildings,” he began, “is that the Forum isn’t about buildings.  Sure, there’s the Rostra, the Regia, the temples, the house of the Vestals, but those aren’t what really define it.  The Forum is all about people.  This was the heart of the greatest city in the known world.  It was a conflux for people of many different walks of life, classes, and races.  Senators and beggars, masters and slaves, Africans, Jews, maybe even Britons.”

“So what did they do here?” Jack asked.

“They talked.  They interacted.  They spread gossip.  They traded.  They fought.  They rioted.  Ambitious politicians would stand here and give speeches, trying to discover the secrets to controlling the terrible power of the Roman mob.  A few lucky ones succeeded, though often not for long.  There’s an old saying, ‘Vox populi, vox dei’—the voice of the people is the voice of God.  Well, in ancient Europe, this was where that voice could be heard.  It was capricious and difficult to understand, but if you could learn to speak it, you just might be able to make yourself master of Rome.

“But it’s not really about the demagogues, either.  The Forum was the place of ordinary people.  They came to get the latest news and to chat with their friends, to watch and listen to the glorious chaos that was the city of Rome.  And now that’s what I’m going to go back to doing, if you’ll excuse me.”

He started to close his eyes, but he could see that his friend still looked puzzled.  “Tell you what,” Matthew said.  “If you can’t imagine it, then just try to strike up conversations with random people.  That’ll give you a better feel for the Forum than me explaining the history of the Temple of Antoninus and Faustina.”

“If you say so,” Jack said, shrugging.

Matthew returned to his Forum, but unfortunately he was no longer able to fully enjoy his conversation with the Alexandrian merchant.  His mind was too focused on the present to truly get into the fantasy.  He had realized only too late the potential danger of telling Jack to start conversations with whoever he happened to find, and thus a quarter of his brain . . . and then half . . . and then nearly two-thirds was focused on keeping track of what his friend was saying, just in case they were suddenly going to have to run again.

For a while Jack managed to avoid trouble.  At least he stayed in roughly the same place, so Matthew didn’t have to follow him and could therefore keep his eyes closed.  The things he said were not particularly intelligent—he asked people to speak because he wanted to hear the voice of God and suggested that they start a riot and march on the Colosseum to demand justice—but as long as the people he talked to kept ignoring him, it didn’t really matter.

But then he heard an unfamiliar female voice saying: “Really? You’re going to get everyone here to rise up in protest?  How?”

Followed by Jack: “Well, in the old days, politicians would give these great speeches to sway the hearts of the crowd.”

“Alright,” Matthew said, irritated.  “I think that’s gone far enough.”  He opened his eyes.

And then, off in the distance, he saw the gray-clad figure.

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The Jenoviad Entry #26

August 7th, 2009 by Wordsman

“Alert! Alert!” the speaker blared
“Security Type A!
Unident’fied passengers
Are on this train, I say!

“We’ll now conduct a thorough search”
The speaker once more blared
“What do we do?” Tifa asked
Cloud lied: “I am not scared”

Jessie came back to their car
Her face pale white was hued
Redundantly she blurted out
“We’re screwed! We’re screwed! We’re screwed!”

Barret rose without a sound
And quickly took command
“Calm down!” he said. “Just means we’ll jump
Sooner than we had planned”

“Lockdown!” the speaker announced
“Beginning with Car 1!”
Barret surveyed all his troops
“Well? Run, you bastards! Run!”

They barreled down the aisle
And the door they made it through
Just in time to hear the speaker:
“Now lock down Car 2!”

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Movie Two-Liners Entry #26

August 5th, 2009 by Wordsman

Most unfortunately, the picture hint portion of the puzzle will continue to be down this week. The feature is proving more complex to implement than originally anticipated.

This week’s puzzle:

A man travels to an unfamiliar place to help out two thieves, experiencing considerable difficulty due to transportation and terrain. He solves some of his problems with lies and contempt, but he cannot get the job done without a couple of skid marks.

Last week’s puzzle:

One man is accused of being a poisoner and sends an old man to a dark death, and another man gives poison to a child and defiles a corpse. One man spoils his best friend’s chances for love, and another man gets relationship advice from someone that people almost never listen to.

And the answer is . . . ▼

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This Day in History Entry #25

August 4th, 2009 by Wordsman

He called the Saints to Go Marching in
Jeepers Creepers, Street Blues of Basin
Tiger Rag, Mack the Knife
Let’s honor Satchmo’s life
What a Wonderful day to begin

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On Numerical Coincidences and the Recognition Thereof

August 3rd, 2009 by Wordsman

As those of you who have been paying attention may have realized, today’s post is the 100th content post to be presented on this website.  What does this mean?  Well, with four posts per week, it means that the experiment has been going on for approximately 25 weeks, or just under half a year.  And what does that mean?  Almost nothing.  However, because everyone likes big, round numbers, I have included something in today’s entry to mark the occasion, though if you do not wish to waste most of your day, then I will recommend not putting a lot of effort into finding it.

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Is a Picture Worth a Thousand Words? Entry #26

August 3rd, 2009 by Wordsman

PWTW 26

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Jack asked, slowing his pace so as not to lose Matthew.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Matthew lied.  “I’m just . . . tired.”

Jack gave him an unusually shrewd glance.  “Are you still upset about getting kicked out of the Colosseum?”

“You’re right,” Matthew replied sarcastically.  “I can see why you would think I had already forgotten about that, seeing as it happened all of two minutes ago.  Look, can we just sit down over here for a while?”

“Sure,” said Jack.  “We’ll rest for a second while you tell me all about this big white thing over here.”

“It’s the Arch of Constantine,” he said as he sat down on the grass.  “Dedicated to him for his victory in the Battle of the Milvian Bridge.”  Matthew was not in the mood for giving a lecture right then, but he could not help explaining such very basic information to his friend.

“Constantine,” Jack repeated thoughtfully.  He remained standing, his usual manic energy preventing him from doing something as lazy as sitting down for a few seconds.  “Where have I heard that name before?”

“He was Emperor of Rome,” Matthew said, leaning back and closing his eyes.  “The city of Constantinople was named after him.”

“No, that’s not it.  Oh!” Jack announced, struck by sudden inspiration.  “It was the title of that movie!”  Matthew made no response.  “Seriously, man, what’s with you?” Jack asked, standing over his friend and blocking the warm sunlight that had been streaming down onto his face.

Matthew sighed.  “It’s just . . . I’ve never been kicked out of a place before,” he answered.

“Haha!” Jack cried triumphantly.  “I knew it!”  Then he paused.  “Wait a sec.  That can’t be right.  I’ve been kicked out of plenty of places before when you were with me.”

“That’s true.”  The images of those incidents had been rotating through Matthew’s mind ever since they had been first grabbed by the guards.  “But technically, on every one of those occasions, it was only you that got thrown out.  I just decided to leave at the same time.”

Jack shrugged.  “You say potato, I say potahto.  I still don’t see what the big deal is.  So you got tossed out of the Colosseum.  It’s not like that’s going to be affecting you for the rest of your life.”

It could, Matthew thought darkly.  The guards had not bothered to take their names or check their passports, but he saw no reason why they couldn’t have recorded descriptions of the two of them and sent them on to all the other important sites in Rome.  For all he knew he had just earned himself a lifetime ban for every major attraction in one of the most historical cities in the world.  “I’ve always tried to live my life according to the rules,” he said.  He did not add, “Which is something that’s always been much more difficult with you around.”

Jack laughed.  “My Dad always said that if you never get chucked out of somewhere for breaking the rules, you’re not doing things right.”

“Hmm.”  Matthew had heard a lot about his friend’s father over the years.  He always wondered how the man had been able to go his whole life without ever being thrown in jail.  “It’s not just that I broke the rules,” he explained.  “It’s more that the whole thing was so stupid.  There was no reason to go down there,” he insisted, talking mostly to Jack but also somewhat to himself.

“That’s not true,” said Jack, sounding unusually serious.  “Jumping down there was a crazy risk that no one in their right mind would have taken.”  Matthew wanted to mention that that was exactly what he was trying to say, but his friend cut him off.  “And sometimes you have to do stupid things like that, otherwise you’ll never get anywhere and life just isn’t interesting.”

Matthew thought it was an intriguing paradox that he and Jack had been able to remain friends for so long despite the fact that their definitions of “interesting” were so radically different.  “Give me an example,” he said.  “And don’t just tell me another story about your father.”

Jack faltered, but he recovered quickly.  “Well, how about this Constantine guy right over here?” he asked, pointing to the arch as if it was the Emperor himself.  “You said he won the Battle of London Bridge or something like that, right?  I bet he had to take a pretty wild risk to do that.”

“I suppose he did,” Matthew said.  He opened his eyes and looked over at the arch.  “Constantine had all the momentum going in, because Maxentius had just been sitting in Rome and waiting for him, but some sources say that he was still outnumbered roughly two-to-one.”

“See?” said Jack, who seemed rather impressed that his random suggestion had panned out so well.  “If he hadn’t led his smaller army against this Maximilian guy, then he never would have gotten to be Emperor, right?”

“Actually, he already was an emperor.  Sort of.”  Matthew did not think he would gain anything from attempting to explain the complexities of the Tetrarchy to his friend.  “He was involved in a convoluted civil war for control of the entire Roman Empire.  And most reports, including this arch, say that he won by divine intervention.  So I don’t think his situation really compares to ours at all,” he said, standing and brushing the grass off of his pants.

“But . . . my example has inspired you to find the energy to move on anyway?” Jack asked, a little perplexed at his friend’s sudden revival.

“No,” Matthew answered, “but it has reminded me just how easy it is for you to get into a situation that you don’t understand.  Someone has to follow you around and protect you from yourself.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jack cried.  “Now, you wanna walk under the arch?”

“It’s fenced off.”

“But if we . . .”

No.”

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