All the wildlife of Alaska’s seas
Were dramatically brought to their knees
Had the master been drinking?
Did that cause the sinking
Of the tanker, the Exxon Valdez?

Whether you use it as it was planned
Or to shoot like a gun from your hand
You must thank Stephen Perry
Who made the world merry
Inventing that fine rubber band

Having lost at Drepana before
At Aegusa Rome settled the score
Catulus stripped his fleet
Great Hanno met defeat
And thus ended the First Punic War

Though its lyrics have often been mangled
As with Key’s poetry we have tangled
Let us all give three cheers
To seventy-eight years
Of our anthem: The Banner, Star-Spangled

Louis-Philippe was a great French king
Most enlightened, as then was the thing
But he was not the state
And had to abdicate
And the monarchy to end did bring

There once was a state called Missouri
Whose admission drove some men to fury
Compromise to maintain
The free states added Maine
But on slav’ry still out was the jury