Mozart had his Rondo alla Turc
But a plumber’s this man’s best known work
Plus a donkey named Kong
(Or did I get that wrong?)
And a boy, a princess, and a jerk

Event: Birth of Miyamoto Shigeru, creator of some of the most successful video game franchises in history, including Mario, Donkey Kong, and The Legend of Zelda
Year: 1952
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shigeru_Miyamoto

(no post today.  The Wordsman is taking a holiday.)

Just kidding!  Sure would have been ironic, though, wouldn’t it?  (NOTE: please don’t overload the comments with debate on the definition of “ironic.”  We’ll be here all night.)

A. 敬老の日　B. 建国記念の日　C. 憲法記念日　D. 成人の日

E. 体育の日　F. 天皇誕生日

This week Theoman, who had the hardest task ahead of him, bravely set first foot into the fray.  He correctly identified the two characters forming the compound kinen, which means memorial or remembrance.  This narrowed his intimidating field down to two choices, and, as generally happens in KYPC, he picked the wrong one.  Instead of finding his way to C, when everyone celebrates the Constitution (which the Japanese love for some reason even though the Americans wrote it for them), he ended up at B, the ever-controversial National Foundation Day.  Depending on whom you talk to, it commemorates the day when the fictional Emperor Jimmu–who was a symbol of State Shinto, which, er, was rather a problem around the middle of the 20th century–first came to the throne in 660 BC.  But some people like controversy, so I guess I can’t argue with his choice.

At the other end of the controversy spectrum we have E, Health and Sports Day, identified by Scott (we’re going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his finger slipped when he typed “D,” because we’re pretty sure he knows better).  Ping-pong is an excellent sport because you don’t need a lot of fancy practice or expertise to play it (you just need these things to play it well).  This means that E is not Coming of Age Day, as Shirley thought; you don’t have to be a certain age to play sports.  Nor is it A, the Respect for the Aged Day that so alarmed her.  And the only answer up there that has to do with a birthday is F, the Emperor’s Birthday.  Kind of like Presidents’ Day in the U.S., I guess, except that it changes every time there’s a new emperor.  Also, there probably aren’t as many used car sales.

It seems I can’t write a paragraph this week without mentioning controversy.  When A Fan identified D as Coming of Age Day, he aroused a certain amount of debate regarding the difference between “cheating” and “research.”  While the Wordsman chooses to withhold definitive judgment on the subject, I will say that if you’re going to make the argument that you did research, you’d better go the whole ten yards.  For example, at what age to the Japanese come of age? (It’s not 18 or 21).  When is Coming of Age Day?  What can you do once you’ve come of age?  Come back with that, and then we’ll talk about research.

But anyway, on to a topic which everyone can always agree on: football.  Now that we find ourselves in the midst of the football season, I felt like doing a puzzle on NFL teams.  Since there are 32 teams we’ll split it up into two puzzles, with this one being about teams that are named after animals.  For those of you not up on your football, the possibilities are as follows: Bears, Lions, Rams, Seahawks, Cardinals, Panthers, Falcons, Eagles, Ravens, Bengals, Broncos, Chargers (arguably), Colts, Jaguars, and Dolphins.  A Fan, I think you already know what to look for.  Everyone else is on their own.  And if you want to do any “research,” be prepared to turn in an essay.

A. 海豚　B. 雄羊　C. 熊　D. 獅子　E. 猩猩紅冠鳥　F. 鷲　G. 渡烏

Outside, a Shinra man on break
Was feeling none too swift
Somehow he’d once again got stuck
With the late-late-night shift

In pursuit were Shinra goons
The bikes came two by two
With one hand, Cloud drew his sword
“Now this thing I can do”

In the coup of the Eighteenth Brumaire
Bonaparte took the country with flair
At the first he would be
One of the consuls three
But it turned out that he couldn’t share

Event: The coup of 18 Brumaire ends the French Directory and replaces it with the Consulate
Year: 1799 (or 8 by the French Republican Calendar)
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/18_Brumaire

A. 川崎　B. 東芝　C. 日産　D. 任天堂　E. 日立　F. 本田　G. 三菱

Before we dive into this, it was brought to my attention that I did not explain all the choices in the puzzle from two weeks ago.  I thought that I had covered them over the course of the entry, but apparently one or two got left out.  So, the answers to the historical period puzzle were: A. Edo B. Kamakura C. Jomon D. Nara E. Heian F. Muromachi.

Now let’s get to work.  Our first guess, as always, came from Dragon, who identified E as Honda.  She felt that the character on the left represented a window, and cars have windows, and Honda makes cars, ergo, E is Honda.  It was a good plan, except that she made the fatal mistake of assuming that the kanji for “window” looks anything at all like a window.  But even if that were not the case, could it not also have been Toshiba?  They make computers with Windows.  Get it?  Get it?  Anyway, E is Hitachi, a company that does not make cars but does make something even cooler: bullet trains (and yes, they do have windows).

Next up was Theoman, who immediately spotted B as Toshiba.  We can’t even be mad at him, though, for we know that his long struggles as the owner of a Toshiba-made laptop must have given him infinite familiarity with the company, a familiarity that I am certain bred a fair amount of contempt.  “Know thine enemy,” said Sun Tzu, or one of those guys; now Theoman knows their name.  A Fan, on the other hand, owns a Honda (and a Toshiba computer), so it would seem like he was ideally positioned to sweep this puzzle.  But he made the curious choice of D, implying that his Honda had a wide enough front seat to fit two humans and a large dog.  While we can give him minor points because the character in the middle is somewhat similar to the one for dog, his theory falls short.  The characters actually represent him and his wife playing a game on the Nintendo Wii, with the dog lying between them in the most inconvenient position possible to prove how much he loves them.  D is Nintendo.

Our final contestant was Shirley, who went for G.  She had the right idea but the wrong corporation.  There were in fact three car companies on the list: C, Nissan, which nobody was interested in; G, Mitsubishi, which might be better for cruising down a two-lane highway than your stereotypical Honda; and F, the elusive Honda itself, with that “window” on the right side.  As we all know, windows are the defining feature of an automobile.  Just ask A Fan’s dog.

This week’s You Forgot About Poland Award goes to A, Kawasaki.  What have they ever done for us?

But after all that work, you must be exhausted.  Isn’t it time for a break?  Luckily for you, the upcoming puzzle is about holidays.  You get to learn all about the days that the Japanese get to take off but we don’t.  Theoman’s task will be to locate Constitution Memorial Day, while the rest of you can concentrate on Coming of Age Day.

A. 敬老の日　B. 建国記念の日　C. 憲法記念日　D. 成人の日

E. 体育の日　F. 天皇誕生日

Barret cried, “Today’s the day
I go in glory’s blaze!”
Red said, “Leaving the two of us
Imprisoned all our days”

“Escape route’s up the stairs, my friends
They’d not think of this trick
The only thing I need to know
Is if you can drive stick”

Barret moaned, “I’ll drive this thing”
As he stepped on the gas
“But I don’t see why he’s the one
Who gets to look badass”

Quite a day for the transmitted word
Human sounds, but by EM waves spurred
Once our speech barely spanned
Past the reach of one’s hand
Now today it’s around the world heard

Events: KDKA, the first commercially licensed radio station in the U.S., goes on the air; founding of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation; the British Broadcasting Corporation launches the BBC Television Service (now BBC One)
Years: 1920; 1936; 1936
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KDKA_%28AM%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Broadcasting_Corporation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BBC_One

A. 江戸　B. 鎌倉　C. 縄文　D. 奈良　E. 平安　F. 室町

It seems I need to make a couple things clear here.  1. This is not an exhaustive list of Japanese historical periods.  These are just most of the interesting ones.  Well, Jomon’s probably not that exciting unless you’re really into pottery shards, but the rest all have their fun stuff.  I would not be surprised if, sometime down the road, a second challenge involving some of the other eras surfaces in this vicinity.  2. Periods of Japanese history are named for the center of government in most instances.  This statement is true of 5 of the 6 on this list.  Jomon refers to the signature rope-like pattern found on pottery from that era, because there probably wasn’t much of a government 40,000 years ago.

Finally, finally I have managed to stump Theoman.  He was correct on two counts: one, that “kama” means “scythe,” and two, that the “kama” in Kamakura is in fact the same “kama” that means scythe.  And then he tripped at the finish line, misread the first character in E, and ended up in the Heian period.  There are worse places to end up, I suppose.  What’s that, you say?  You’ve never heard of a place in Japan called Heian?  No surprise, I guess.  It was only the capital for, oh, over a thousand years.  Nowadays most of us call it Kyoto.

We also got to encounter a typical example of A-Fan-style logic, which bears the Wordsman Seal of Approval.  There may have been some trains in Japan by the very end of the Edo period, though they wouldn’t have really gotten going until the era that followed it . . . but we’ll talk about that later.  If that really is the Boston T, then presumably the left part of the right character is a window, through which the person represented by the character on the left is attempting to hand a sandwich.  Or maybe it’s just the Muromachi period, named for a district in Kyoto where the shoguns liked to hang out.

Shirley decided to engage in a bit of prognostication, predicting a dramatic shift in the function of the Japanese government following World War Eleven.  We’ll give her bonus points for that, if it comes true, but she too ended up drawn to Heian, the heart of classical Japanese literature, as so many scholars have been before her.  And we’re sure that the good people of Nara appreciate being described as, “Um, I don’t know.”  But the real answer was her other choice, picked up on successfully by her one-time co-conspirator Dragon.  Edo is A.  Nowadays most people call it Tokyo.  Not me, though.  And the Hagia Sophia is located in Constantinople.

Now it’s time to get back to work, so here is a list of places where you could work, if you were in Japan.  Feel free to identify as many as you wish (“This is the twenty-first century.  Many people hold down several jobs.”), but if you’re looking for guidance, try to pick out Honda.  Most of you should be familiar with that.  Except you, Theoman.  That’s right, I’m talking to you.  You get to look for Toshiba.

A. 川崎　B. 東芝　C. 日産　D. 任天堂　E. 日立　F. 本田　G. 三菱

The follow-up was fast dispatched
Suff’ring from a Mindblow
Barret said, “Now we’re home free
Hey . . . where did Tifa go?”

The much-beleaguered other group
Fin’lly reached the first floor
And found a whole damn army
Right outside the glass front door

“Clinton’s Folly” they all called the ditch
The Mohawk just had too steep a pitch
The surveyors were new
But they somehow pulled through
And they made the surrounding lands rich

Event: Erie Canal completed
Year: 1825
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erie_Canal