The Wandering Wordsman is not in today.  He is in New York, celebrating the 222nd anniversary of the state’s admission to the Union, among other things.

Clearly you are here because you want to see this week’s edition of Know Your Picture Characters.  It has been said, though, that you can’t always get what you want.  And this statement bears repeating.  However, it has also been noted that, if you try sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.  What you need is reassurance that the entry you seek has not disappeared but is merely delayed, and here it is: Know Your Picture Characters will appear on Wednesday, or, in case of unforeseen delays, Thursday.

Happy birthday, Mr. Jagger.

Past hails of bullets, stray grenades
They ducked in elevator
“Which floor?” asked Cloud. “Just hit one!
We’ll worry ‘bout it later”

Finally they reached a point
From which ‘twould not ascend
Cloud was not sure his poor gut
Would ever truly mend

That our small human world had expanded
That no longer on Earth were we stranded
Watching with great intent
Did we know what it meant
When we heard that the Eagle had landed?

Event: Apollo 11 lands on the moon
Year: 1969
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_11

A. 鈴木一朗 B. 野茂英雄 C. 福留孝介 D. 松井秀喜 E. 松坂大輔

Before we start, I would like to offer special congratulations to Shirley, for making part of her response rhyme, and to A Fan, for bravely ignoring the fact that I said these were all players who had played in Major League Baseball and pulling out Sadaharu Oh.

It should come as no surprise that participants were 3-for-3 in identifying A, Suzuki Ichiro, the first and only man to hit an inside-the-park home run in an All-Star Game.  After all, his page comes up on Wikipedia when you search just “Ichiro,” (a name that means nothing more than “first son”) and on this page it quotes his agent as saying that if you send a letter to Japan (a nation of over 127 million, roughly half of whom are someone’s first son) labeled with just that name, it will get to him.

We had a tie for the batting championship, with both Dragon and Shirley putting up a formidable .400.  Dragon cleverly identified E as Matsuzaka Daisuke (or “Dice-K,” a nickname that more closely reflects the actual pronunciation than it deserves to), the first Japanese pitcher to win an MLB playoff game.  Shirley, understandably, after having watched him play in the outfield of her beloved Cubs for the past few years, picked out C as Fukudome Kosuke, the man with two olympic medals (but, sadly, no gold, and, even more sadly, no World Series ring.  But hey, there’s always next year.)  A Fan, the pitcher’s best friend (the batter who swings at the same pitch every time) got only Ichiro.  Perhaps he, like Brian Buchanan, should try spending a few years in the NPB in an attempt to revive his career.

There was no love for D, the 2009 World Series MVP, Matsui Hideki (or “Godzilla,” as he prefers to be called), but he played for the Yankees, so why should there have been?  Batters were also perplexed by the forkball of Nomo Hideo, B, the first Japanese player to permanently relocate to the American major leagues.

Now I don’t know about you, but around here we’ve been having a fair amount of weather lately.  Let’s see if you can dive into this list of basic weather-related kanji and pick out “wind” (and anything else you may feel jumps out at you.)

A. 雨　B. 風　C. 雷　D. 霧　E. 雲　F. 晴　G. 雪

The three strode in, quite purposeful
To show they business meant
Barret said, “‘Scuse me, we’re here
To see the President”

“No one sees the President!
Not no one, not no how!”
The unobservant desk clerk
Looked up, saw the gun, said, “Wow”

“Oh, we got us an appointment
Check it: ‘AVALANCHE,’ at 9”
Cloud asked, “How long did you take
To come up with that line?”

“Shut up!” Then, to lobby whole:
“Now, everybody MOVE!
We’re here to wreck this place up good
To leave would you behoove”

Sirens blared, civilians fled
The lobby filled with guards
Barret cocked his gun. “It’s time
To send my fond regards”

AVALANCHE took some good time
To work out their aggression
There wasn’t anything like this
In the guard training session

Much to Pompey’s and Cato’s dismay
He marched on Rome; so they ran away
The man who conquered Gaul
Wanted to rule it all
But he ended with, “Et tu, Brute?”

Event: Birth of Gaius Julius Caesar
Year: 100 BC
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julius_Caesar

A. 猪　B. 兎　C. 龍　D. 虎　E. 鼠　F. 羊　G. 蛇

The first to step into the fray this week was Dragon, who pounced with cat-like celerity on E.  We can applaud her enthusiasm, though not her accuracy.  She must have seen that other movie, Crouching Rat, Hidden . . . uh . . . Walrus.  Next to bat was Theoman, who watched the correct film but, unfortunately, the wrong half.  C, named by Shirley as “the most aesthetically pleasing,” is the dragon, which, in his case, is an appropriate guess, I suppose.  Our friend A Fan, as always a fan of elegant simplicity, chose the character with the fewest strokes, F.  While not the right answer, it is at least an animal whose ferocity nearly equals that of the tiger: the sheep.

But they were all outshone by Shirley, our cleanup hitter, who, refusing to be distracted by Blake, settled on the correct answer, D.  And let’s not forget our other participants, who rounded out our lineup in their own quiet way: the boar (A), the rabbit (B), and the snake (G).

Now for our weekly reminder about the complexity of kanji: these characters only represent the animals.  For the astrological signs associated with these animals, there is an entirely different set of twelve characters.  I’ll pull them out some day if I’m feeling malicious.

This week is a special week.  As those of you who follow baseball know, tomorrow is the All-Star Game, in honor of which I thought we could have a baseball-themed challenge.  But not just any challenge!  As the brightest stars assemble in Anaheim, so too will this week’s puzzle bring out the mightiest of the KYPC participants.  Before today, we have worked only with single characters. Now you must deal with . . . names.

Below is a list of five famous Japanese Major League Baseball players.  Their names have been kept in the traditional Japanese “Family name first, given name second” order, just in case that means anything to you.  And, because I know that some of my readers pay limited attention to our national pastime, I will identify the players by their accomplishments rather than their names.  Feel free to match as many or as few as you like, and, if you’re feeling extra confident, you can even try to add in a name.

On this list are: 1. The first Japanese player to permanently relocate to MLB, 2. The first Japanese pitcher to win an MLB playoff game, 3. The first player to hit an inside-the-park home run in an All-Star Game, 4. A man who has won two Olympic medals (one silver, one bronze), and 5. A World Series MVP

A. 鈴木一朗 B. 野茂英雄 C. 福留孝介 D. 松井秀喜 E. 松坂大輔

Barret grunted. “Shoulda known
You’re just a useless bum
So we’ll do it my way
Let’s just charge in, start a scrum”

“That’s your plan?” scoffed Tifa
As she firmly held her ground
“Fight your way through ev’ry floor?
Let’s find a way around

“What about those stairs?” she said
While Barret’s path she blocked
“I know it sounds impossible
But maybe they’re unlocked”

Barret: “Take the long way ‘round?
No! Go straight for the throat”
Tifa: “Cloud, it’s up to you
You’re the deciding vote”

Now, in these situations
Cloud’s choice oft was bright and clear
But this time . . . “Sorry, Tifa
Gotta go with Barret here”

At Comiskey Park it did begin
Neither team’s lineup could be called thin
But the best of the lot
Was the Sultan of Swat
He hit one out and kept one more in

Event: The first Major League Baseball All-Star Game is played
Year: 1933
Learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1933_Major_League_Baseball_All-Star_Game
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_League_Baseball_All-Star_Game

A. 北　B. 西　C. 東　D. 南

A. 上　B. 下　C. 左　D. 右

Okay, so there wasn’t much challenge in the first part of the challenge this week.  You all figured out that the cardinal directions were on top.  But it seems I haven’t completely lost my touch, because none of you were able to pick out North.  Shirley was the closest, briefly considering A, the correct choice, before being lured away by the subtle, intoxicating stuff going on at the very top of B, which in fact points due West.  We can also give her some credit for identifying A and B of the second line as up and down, respectively.  A Fan and Dragon, meanwhile, fearing the cold winds of the North, fled South to D and took refuge beneath its all-encompassing roof.  If A Fan had known a little more about Hokkaido, he might have remembered that its name is written with character A, thus providing him with a key clue.  And Dragon has learned that it is not “x,” nor “squished t” that marks the spot, but, er, . . . “capital H that has been ripped down the middle and flipped inside out . . . with a couple extra lines.”  C, the East, unlike it is every year in the world of U.S. sports, was completely ignored.

Oh, and Bottom C is left and Bottom D is right, but as Shirley pointed out, they’re not really important anyway.

Since it went pretty well last time, this week we will be taking a look once more at animals.  These ones are going to be somewhat more exotic, because this time my source is the Chinese Zodiac, or as we refer to it in Japanese, the jûnishi.  Just for reference, the twelve animals involved are rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog, and boar.  While you’re free to attempt to identify the entire zoo, the specific challenge is to pick out the tiger, far and away the best of the lot.

A. 猪　B. 兎　C. 龍　D. 虎　E. 鼠　F. 羊　G. 蛇