Now, when we left off last week, Brutus had just calmed the rabid crowd (with the help of some tasteful editing) by convincing them that Caesar’s death was necessary in order for them all to remain free of tyranny. But the funeral was not over yet. Someone had to speak up for Caesar, and that someone was Marc Antony. He may not have been as smart as Brutus, but he knew one thing: when given the choice, always choose to speak second. And, to the ears of the gathered mob (who were satisfied by Brutus’ speech and probably already starting to break up), he spoke thus:
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is of”
Okay, so he starts off a little better than Brutus. Antony was more of a people person. It doesn’t take him nearly as long to get across the point that he wants them to listen. After that, though, things go downhill. It sounds like all he’s doing is backing up Brutus. Not only does he say he’s not going to praise Caesar, he even goes so far as to suggest that the man was evil. Maybe he was going to stick in something about how he was also good there at the end, but unless you were really paying attention, how would you ever know? Looks like Marc Antony could use a little help as well:
“Listen, folks. I thought Caesar was good, but Brutus says he was bad, and Brutus is honorable, right? But, see, there’s this will . . .”
If there’s one thing that’s going to get people’s attention at a funeral, it’s a will. By mentioning it right off the bat, he can ensure that everyone will forget all of Brutus’ high-fallutin’ talk about slavery and tyranny and such. Marc Antony 1, Brutus 0.
A man starting a new job and a visitor from out of town both get new suits. Both have difficulty interacting with those around them, both are looking for the same thing, and when they finally meet, each one insults the other’s relatives.
Last week’s puzzle:
After being harassed for dressing inappropriately and disrupting a party by misusing the tableware, a young man with a false name finds he has to get home in a hurry. Alcohol only adds to his problems, and friends and relatives advise him not to take risks, but in the end his solution is to resort to criminal behavior.
Sweet and fitting, I find, ’tis to praise
Those whose words stand out through hist’ry’s haze
So when you seize the day
Send a few thoughts his way
“Carpe diem” was Horace’s phrase
My apologies to those of you who were expecting a picture. As an author, my moods can shift, and I can find myself much more willing to write one kind of piece than another. I have found that it is usually best to give in to these whims. So this week you are getting another edition of Brevity=Wit. Since the picture storyline isn’t at a cliffhanger this time, I might even be able to get away with it.
This week we are taking a look at another work by the man who so generously provided the name for this project: Julius Caesar (just in case anyone doesn’t understand italics, Caesar is the name of the work, not the man). Specifically, we will examine a speech by Brutus. Caesar is dead, killed by Brutus and his conspirators, and the Roman mob is, in a word, pissed. Brutus needs to calm them down, and since he doesn’t have much in the way of riot gear, he has to use his words.
But Brutus is a senator. He’s used to giving long-winded speeches to other aristocrats. He doesn’t understand that the attention span of the average Roman commoner may only be, say, about 140 characters long. So, though Brutus delivers a fine speech, this is probably all the people heard:
“Romans, countrymen, and lovers! Hear me for my cause and be silent that you may hear. Believe me for mine honor and have respect to mine h”
If I was a Roman citizen on the verge of rioting (as all good ancient Roman citizens were), this speech wouldn’t persuade me much. It sounds like Brutus is trying to dodge the issue. He doesn’t even mention Caesar. All he does is tell me to shut up and brag about how honorable he is. He’s not going to win any friends that way. After listening to that speech, I don’t think there would be a single member of that crowd who wanted to respect his H.
I feel sorry for Brutus, though. Controlling the mob is tricky work, and the price for screwing it up is steep. So I thought I could step in and tell him what he should have said:
“I liked Caesar as much as you did, but I like Rome better. He was great, but too ambitious. You want to be slaves? I didn’t think so.”
After being harassed for dressing inappropriately and disrupting a party by misusing the tableware, a young man with a false name finds he has to get home in a hurry. Alcohol only adds to his problems, and friends and relatives advise him not to take risks, but in the end his solution is to resort to criminal behavior.
Last week’s puzzle:
A rebel with abnormal senses narrowly escapes death at the hands of a woman with whom he shared a house. Not long afterward, a failure to escape leads to his dreams coming true, and later on a successful escape leads to his closest friend having to find a new job.
Some rebellions require much thought
But sometimes sitting’s how people fought
Rosa Parks, she sat thus
On that Montgom’ry bus
Leading to that most famous boycott
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