“Calm down,” said Tifa, stepping in
“Don’t bother this poor man
How about we share with Cloud
The basics of our plan?”

“The target’s a reactor core
I’d thought that that was plain
All the scanner thing means is
We jump off of the train”

Except for one who stayed behind
A Shinra manager
The kind of man that most people
Sarcastically call “Sir”

The poor man muttered, “Sure, my train
Gets boarded by this thug”
Barret rose.  “Do you mean me
You worthless little bug?”

“You’re right.  We . . . I mean, AVALANCHE
Will bomb again today
For killing off the Planet
All you Shinra folks will pay”

“Dude, just let her come,” said Cloud
‘Twas not hard to decide
Tifa versus Barret?
He would always pick her side

“Fine,” said Barret, standing up
“But I just got to say
If something happens to Marlene
I’ll blow you both away”

“Geez,” said Cloud, “why let him stay?
He’s really not much fun”
“Hmm,” said Tifa thoughtfully
“He does have that big gun

“Really, Barret’s a good man
Once him you get to know”
Cloud said, “Whatever,” checked his watch
“I guess we’d better go”

The three of them got on the train
To join Wedge, Biggs, and Jess
Barret tried to keep his cool
With limited success

“Damn! This ain’t no private car!
Split up! Avoid the fuzz!”
He said it was no private car
But once he yelled, it was

As they argued, Tifa came
And said, “Good morning boys
I came because I heard the shouts
What’s up with all this noise?”

Tifa scowled.  “You’re just trying
To keep me away
Besides, this is a bar, you know
Who’d come during the day?”

Barret mumbled, “Actu’lly
Got somethin’ to ask you
It’s ‘bout that stuff, Materia
Just what all does it do?”

“Seriously?”  Cloud groaned loud
His face had fallen flat
“Don’t tell me you did all of this
To wake me up for that

“So give me your Materia
And live in ign’rant bliss”
Barret scoffed.  “I’m not so dumb
That I would fall for this”

Hours passed, the planet spun
And then a new day dawned
Dawn was not a part of day
Of which Cloud was real fond

“What’s the fuss?” the blond man said
“No need to hurry there
It’s not like that reactor
Will get up and go somewhere”

Cloud wanted to celebrate
And no, not just with food
But from below came Barret
Whose face killed the party mood

“The hell are you still doing here?”
The angry man inquired
“I thought I told you your presence
Was no longer required”

“I’ll do your job tomorrow
But for twice the price this time”
Said Barret: “I may bomb buildings
But that, now, is a crime”

“We need the help,” Tifa implored
“That’s what you always say”
“But help from this guy?” Barret asked
“Ne’er thought I’d see the day”

“You need me, man,” Cloud said to him
“Just fork over the green”
Barret said, “Go take a hike!
That money’s for Marlene!”

“Enough!  Enough!” cried Tifa
“There’s no need for us to fight
Tomorrow is a big day
We should rest up for the night”

“Fine,” said Barret, as he left
Mutt’ring warnings of doom
“Night,” said Cloud, “And by the way
Which one is Tifa’s room?”

“I’m no hero,” Cloud informed her
He knew well the age-old rule
If a hero calls himself so
Then that hero is a fool

“Plus the setting’s not quite right
You’re no damsel in distress
Nor are you some wacko hippie
Like those nuts, Ted, Riggs, and . . . Bess?

“I guess what I’m saying is
That I don’t think I see
How blowing up reactors
Fits your hero fantasy”

“No, it doesn’t,” Tifa said
“But I’ll ask anyway
The planet needs our help
And for your service we can pay”

“Fine,” said Cloud, as if
He had not planned to all along
Help a girl as hot as Tifa?
He’d have done it for a song

“I’d never really thought ‘bout you
Nor given your name mention
I’ve sometimes wondered if leaving
Was a cry for attention”

This, in fact, was mostly true
But Cloud did not say so
“There’s naught to do in Nibelheim
I’d no choice but to go

“I planned to be a big hero
Like Sephiroth the great”
Because Cloud knew a hero
Could most always get a date

“Yes,” said Tifa, with a smile
“About that hero bit
The promise that you made that night
Do you remember it?”

Cloud nodded. “That I’d save you
If in dire straits you fell
Hmm . . . living here with Barret
I suppose could be called Hell”

“Very funny,” Tifa said
“But listen to my plea
I’m calling in the promise
Come on, hero. Rescue me”

“This was back when we were young
In good old Nibelheim
Probably ‘round middle school
God, such an awkward time

“We were meeting at the well
Do you remember now?”
Cloud said, “I remember
That you wouldn’t date me. Ow”

“You were scrawny.” Tifa shrugged
“And this was later on
You were leaving for SOLDIER
And you would soon be gone”

“Of course!” said Cloud. “Now I recall
That fateful day of yore”
Even though he’d been thirteen
He’d thought that he might score

“I didn’t think you’d come,” said Cloud
“Nor did I,” Tifa said
“But a party got cancelled
So I hit the well instead”